June 22, 2018

To Live by Faith

To live by faith in the Risen Lord is to root one's existence in a personal reality far deeper and far higher than the exigencies of the moment. Tenderly relational, this faith makes a mutual indwelling of the heart in God and God in the heart. Faith that seeks Him, though He seems so hidden, allows the winds of eternity to blow into time. Faith in His living presence renders an unnoticed instant vulnerable to eternal meaning.  Faith's gift opens the heart's door to this Divine Guest - that mysterious neighbor whose benevolence remains unmatched. 

Living by such faith is to be liberated from chains of rash judgments and the weight of painful memories. To cleave to God in this way alone sets one free on the vast horizons and sure ground of truth. The substance of our hope, only this faith opens to a love stronger than death and more powerful than the dark forces that threaten human dignity. Only this faith forgives sin and gives standing before the Almighty. 

Stretching earthly existence beyond what natural reason can calculate, this radiant light inspires the loftiest of thoughts but is never circumscribed by them. This new beauty baptizes the imagination with heart-piercing symbols and signs but no mere myth contains it. No projection of one's own ego or project, this astonishing power carefully purifies and heals deep seated instincts and urges, patiently submits them to the One who conquered sin, and humbly raises them above to glory. 

To die by faith in this Bridegroom, the One whose coming no power in heaven or on earth or under the earth can deter, this is to offer in love the most beautiful of deaths. Faith in the Life, the Truth, and the Way, who died for love of us, empowers us to offer our own bodies as a living sacrifice, so that even our last breath is taken up into spiritual worship.  For by faith, even as we die, His power is given to us and is accomplishing in us a work so rare and so vital, the whole world awaits its revelation. 

May 3, 2018

The Grace that Silence Knows

In the deepest center of the abyss of one's being there is a fountain of life-giving waters. This fount flows forth from an even deeper abyss into abyss of the heart - for deeper than the misery of the heart is the mercy of the One who knows it. Ever deeper the farther from its center - sanctifying, forgiving, healing, renewing. This life giving spring lives unfathomably deeper than either sin or death can know.

If the truth revealed to us did not propose the secret of such a hidden place, that haunting ache for the One who we do not know remains a mysterious witness. For in the painful emptiness that prayerful silence hears suggests the fullness that eagerly waits to fill it. In the silent cry of the heart one discovers that the ennui that creation suffers for the Creator is only a dim reflection of the ennui the Creator has freely embraced for humanity.

The Cross has unleashed this torrent relentless in pursuing its course -- making all things new. The ocean of mercy that issues forth from such glory can never be exhausted. The empty tomb is proof that the vast horizons out to which these waters stream remain, to this very day, largely unexplored. The real presence of the Risen One ensures that this hidden but mighty river will flow in us always until the end of the ages.

The grace that makes holy the human heart invites, calls and challenges each one. Like the morning sun invites and the beauty of spring calls, grace evokes new confidence and enkindles fresh hope.  Like the love of a bridegroom challenges his bride, this wonderful gift surrenders itself into the surrender that each heart renders. For the grace that makes holy makes youthful and new every heart that receives it - no matter how aged.

This freely given gift liberates a soul from its own ego. An immense overflowing flood of love and life, its currents are not imposed, are not extrinsic.  For this most precious and delicate of gifts refuses to coerce what is most interior to man. This grace floods a person's interiority until the body itself is freed for love. This mysterious power makes chains of selfishness fall away. The ability to do something beautiful for God and one's neighbor is unlocked.

With tender gentleness, this gift from above re-constitutes and subtly perfects what is most noble within us. It conceives truths and movements of heart by which God Himself is enjoyed and brought to bear for solemn purpose. To resist such a priceless gift is to resist no less than the truth about oneself and the dream that God has kept from before the foundation of the world.

May 1, 2018

From the Deepest Abyss to the Furthest Frontier

Your body is a temple. It is not inconsequential. You have been set apart - not as an abstract spirit, but enfleshed.  A dwelling place for God, there is something sacred about who you are. How you offer your body reveals your spiritual worship. If you allow Christ to renew your mind, your whole existence can be entirely transformed.

Just as at the dawn of creation, the Living God has fashioned each one's being not unlike an open sea. The shores of each one's existence are only found beyond one's own horizons. On this ocean, ripples from a single thought begin in deepest secret and move beyond anywhere unaided reason might strain. Blown by the Spirit, they can even enter into the heart of another. And the ripples that this same thought causes to flow from the heart of a stranger can also suddenly pierce through one's own indifference.

These Spirit blown ripples of new life go out with gathering speed and magnitude until, as mighty waves, they surge toward the rugged coastline of humanity's furthest frontier -- their final destination, not a place, but a Heart who eagerly awaits them. Against the Rock Ages, their foam and spray reach for the heavens, and for pure joy, their roar and crash crescendo. For indeed, words fall short of this happy meeting, the pledge of something that this world cannot contain. Pounding again and again, as if always for the first time, rock and water mutually surrender, one to the other, while each remains in total otherness, entwined. Is it the waves or the shore that has caused this jubilation?

At this mysterious frontier where humanity and divinity meet, all restlessness, guilt and death is circumscribed. All that threatens the greatness and dignity of humanity finds its limit on this obedient shore. On this rocky fastness one's very integrity and all noble hope find safe haven. Tears are dried. Sorrows consoled. Confidence given. A new beginning awaits. For such is the limitlessness of Divine Mercy - that exotic coast whose untamed freedom defies all mastery.

Yet what thought goes from the deepest abyss to these furthest frontiers of human existence? This fiery sword cuts free, severs and penetrates deeper than marrow. This shining star captivates, draws to heaven, and radiates one's very existence with truth. An anchor for one's whole being, body and soul, that suffers storms only to establish an even deeper peace.

Not a tempest threatening with passionate violence, yet this sudden spark can sting one's conscience until one's life turns in a new direction. Not a abstract ideal, yet a coming to one's senses that leads from pigsty to the Father's embrace. Not a program of self-improvement, but this gentle call of love evokes solemn resolve. Not understood or grasped by any natural capacity, but in unaware fruitfulness, this contemplation is given and received in naked faith.

Filled with the Word who makes all things new, this vulnerable prayer vanquishes death and gives birth to a life undying. Born in the impoverished ambiguity weighing on the world below, this ray of truth enriches with the most delightful treasures and raises everything to what is above -- so that even the heavy of heart wonder over how light the burden, how easy the yoke.

To allow this holy thought to sanctify your heart, turn your thoughts to Him. His Tomb is empty yet His Cross stands at the very center of your life. In the face of meaninglessness, Christ Crucified lives to free, purify, and graft us in truth. On the waters of our hearts, He processes in sovereign freedom. In heart-breaking silence, His prayer to the Father still echoes with hope and His life, poured out for the world, still pours out with love.

The holy sanctuary of your  heart yearns for memory of His passion to be renewed. Your very body, fashioned by the Father to be a temple, longs for His Son's life giving water and blood to burst the banks of the sin and misery that have imprisoned you.  Your soul starves for the only food that can feed it, the only drink that can satisfy its thirst. Once surrendered to His humility by humble prayer, nothing can stand between your heart and the inexhaustible torrents of our Savior's love.

April 28, 2018

Witnessed on a Freeway in California

A glimpse of faces passes
Mindless sunglass glances
Mosaics of machinery chances
Moving seeming secure advances
Atop asphalt surfaces imperiled

Between barren hills whose golden brightness
Is broken by oaken blotches of bitterness
Under strident currents of reckless drivenness,
Lurk faults of unforgiven-ness,
On bumpers, beneath smiles of strangers embroiled.

Sorrows unseen in merciless
Stares: Each from disparate starting point relentless
Barrels to its goal in senseless
Abandon, reeling unaware, restless 
Hearts racing for connection en-shadowed --

Under a rosary's hope dangling
     from a rearview mirror: 
Between what lay ahead and what is passing
Away, that shining still point of the world's revolving
Anew by but the resolved murmuring
Of lips, by heaven's taste, hallowed.

April 3, 2018

The Resurrection and Life

Do you long for New Life?  Easter is about the only new life this tired out world has ever known. This life has the form of a vine exploding with branches and fruitfulness.

Jesus, risen from the dead, is the Vine - and his friends who believe in Him are the branches. He has called you, the one who is reading this, into this friendship.  Connected to the Word of the Father by faith, we have a new life in us -- an eternal life, stronger than death, making all things new.  Just as life flows from a vine to the branches, the Holy Spirit flows from the Son through His Body, the Church, into the soul of the believers to make their love for one another fruitful.

That we might fully possess this joyful fruitfulness, the Father tenderly serves us as the Vine-Dresser. He delicately prunes his vines, for no other reason than that they might be fruitful. Sometimes, this means patiently pruning us down to the stump, until nothing but what seems weakest and most inadequate is left.

The mystery of the Father's vine-dressing is a difficult mystery. Yet, it is rooted in everything Christ revealed to us through His own passion and resurrection. Only by allowing His Son to suffer death is the Father able to raise Christ's humanity to life not subject to death. Similarly for us, that we might know the life of the Risen Lord, the Father sometimes prunes away what we deem most precious.

The devotion of Christ to the Father, characterized as it is by faithfulness, confidence and trust, must become our same obedience to Christ. His total surrender to the loving plan of the Father is given to us and meant to live in us. The Father only prunes away what is lifeless, what stands in the way of this surrender.  He permits us to die to ourselves in order that Christ's obedience might become the obedience that lives in our hearts. As the Risen One reveals, surrendering to the Father's will, even as we die to ourselves, opens up a more fecund and eternal mystery. Paradoxically, being pruned by the Father is the source of joy.

To be pruned down to the stump - there are times when we most desire to feel the presence of the Risen Lord, but in our distress cannot seem to find Him. It is a kind of death. Sometimes,we are permitted to suffer that interior void, that empty abyss that only He can fill. We long for an answer to tragedies sometimes so catastrophic that nothing in our lives feel like they will ever be the same again.  Instead, we are left, at least for a time, feeling puzzled and even abandoned. Yet, engulfing this abyss is an even deeper abyss: God has plunged our misery into the immensity of His Mercy. 

Though we cannot see or feel it, Christ who knows our misery sends the Holy Spirit into our sorrow to bring us a new life, a new joy.  This is why, as we are pruned even to the stump, we have a reason for our hope.  If we believe, nothing can stand between us and the love of Christ - no matter how great the feeling or difficulty. Our work, at such times, is simply to trust in Him, to remain in Him by an act of faith -- for obedient faith goes deeper than feeling, thought, fantasy or intuition. Obedience lives in a deeper part of who we are -- and the Spirit dwells in these abysses because it is here that He has fashioned horizons vast enough for His presence.

The Risen One too was stripped, and as He suffered the loss of everything, our Crucified God, through his obedient devotion to the Father, accomplished His greatest work: our salvation. Our work, as the Father prunes the branches of His Vine, is to be obedient to the Word that not even the meaninglessness of death could mute. This means sacrificing our plans for God's plans. It means putting our neighbor before what is comfortable and convenient. It means also renouncing sin - no matter the cost. It means offering the sorrow of our heart as a sacrifice of love in prayer. All of this is how we remain in Christ even as we are being pruned and stripped of everything - even down to the stump of our lives. When the obedience of our faith is most tested and conformed to the obedience of the Son, we can at last receive the fruitful joy that the Father longs for us to know.

March 29, 2018

The Triduum - Into the Silent Fullness of God

The deepest and most beautiful pathway of prayer is opened up in the Triduum. Each liturgy opens into an even deeper silence in the fullness of God. This is the fullness open when Christ's heart was pierced by the lance -- one which gushes forth with new life for those whose prayer aches with thirst.

The Savior of the World on Holy Thursday in thanksgiving and blessing binds us to Himself by the Blood of the New Covenant. At that Sacred Banquet in which the Word of the Father washes feet and offers Himself as true spiritual food, prayer takes us into the mysterious source and summit of everything we believe! Those who will partake of this mystery offered, broken and given, taste on their own tongues a glory that the world cannot give.  

On Good Friday, the realization of this supreme prayer of the Lord passes through betrayal, denial, passion and the silence of death.  In the agony and blood of the One whose wordless cry reaches the Heart of the Father, prayer beholds an obedient love that no height or depth or power can overcome. Those who will come to adore the Cross enter the very threshold to the bosom of the Trinity and find the only place where the human heart can rest.

On Holy Saturday the pathway of the Lord's prayer leads through Hell itself. Guided by His Rod and Staff in that Valley of the Shadow of Death, prayer discovers an invincible fountain of hope. Those who follow Him through such pain know the light, warmth and victory that are His.

In the dark hours of the Easter Vigil, the unvanquished Word of the Father rises and appears in our midst.  This enfleshed Word, having conquered death and sin, lifts the whole world into a new creation, and makes of everything in our lives, an acceptable offering to the Father. Prayer beholds on this night the light that shines in the darkness and the truth that darkness cannot overcome it. Prayer plunges into those new waters of that new creation and it gives birth with the Church to new sons and daughters in grace. Easter Prayer proceeds from this new life and, even when uttered on dying lips, knows the antidote for death and the medicine of immortality -- for it beholds the One whose silent fullness makes all things new.

March 4, 2018

Self-discovery and Gift of Self - the Truth Christ Reveals

John Paul II sincerely believed that we are so created that we can only discover the truth about ourselves when we give ourselves to another.  He believed this from his own experience. He marveled how it was possible to meet someone and be so overwhelmed by their beauty that you should want to sacrifice everything for their sake, that this other person might thrive. In this he glimpsed not only the beauty of God's plan for man and woman in marriage, but also the beauty of Christ's love for each and every soul.

The communion Christ has come to share surpasses the fulfillment and mutual possession meant to be ours in the institution of marriage. When we see His beauty, we realize that the deepest joys shared in the marriage of man and woman only foreshadow a more wonderful communion that is to come.

Before the Beauty of His Face, even the sorrows and disappointments that we bear in our families, no matter how crushing, take on a new perspective. He who was abandoned and betrayed captivates us in His radiance even as we struggle with humiliation and resentment. Those who we thought we could never forgive, we find the courage to forgive whenever we glimpse Him gazing on us in love.

His beauty, the beauty of a love that holds nothing back, evokes a response from the deepest part of our being. For when our eyes are opened by faith in Him, we are moved to believe at once that Christ has perceived our beauty before the dawn of creation -- and in perceiving it, brought it into being and offered His life in sacrifice for it, that each soul that believes in Him might know a greatness far beyond its power to surmise.

The Son who forever rejoices in the sheer goodness of His Father, rejoiced anew to make this known to all creation. He chose to do this through friendship with each of us - so that each of us participate in the revelation of glory the Father has given to His Son. This friendship and participation is nothing less than a dwelling in his presence - by faith in this life, and glory in the next. For this purpose and out of nothing, the Word of the Father summoned a beauty so deep in the human heart that, even when the human heart is diminished by sin, He has already resolved to sacrifice everything in order that all that is good, noble and true in it might not perish.

Nothing forces his loving sacrifice save the divine predilection for humble humanity that lives deep in the mystery of the Holy Trinity. The Father is drawn by our plight to speak His Word into our difficult  personal circumstances. With His Word, He breathes His Holy Spirit into us that we should have hope and thrive. In the power of the Holy Spirit, Christ journeys across the vast horizons of our hearts "like a Bridegroom coming from his tent, a champion running his course." For what He finds most beautiful in us is that we are in His own image and likeness -- creatures who are meant to mirror in time the love that He offers without reserve to the Father from eternity.

The work of redemption that He wrought on the Cross is about bringing to completion this intimate and faithful communion of sacrificial love for which we were created. He reveals the beauty of an unimpeded love on the Cross to capture our hearts so that we might finally be able to love without impediment. Though such a love seems so far beyond our limitations and sins, He offered his sacrifice for our sake in a way that allows us to participate in what He has done -- and, in this, we become what we are meant to be: living sacrifices of love, the praise of His glory.  

February 25, 2018

Glory in the Shadows

This Sunday of Lent, my thoughts go to the Reverend Billy Graham. Saint John Paul II called him "Brother" and I am thankful that God sent such a brother to walk with our nation during such times as ours. He witnessed to the Gospel of Christ with a certain wholesomeness and confidence that helped me remember the goodness of God. I do not believe that his witness has been diminished by his death, that death could ever diminish his life - for he lived for God and hoped that, by suffering his own death with faith in Jesus, he might finally enter into the fullness of life that Christ came to give him.  From what I have heard, there is little doubt that he saw glory in the shadows of death, and he knew his hope would not disappoint.

The Holy Transfiguration avails the heart to a secret glory - a hope flooding contemplation in faith that we hold in our hearts as we follow the Lord. The light of Christ shows us that the love of the Father, so immense and inexhaustible, is a mountain that towers above and overshadows our lives. When we allow Christ to lead us into this shadow, His glory baths the soul in a splendor that this world cannot hold. Our hearts are finally open to hear the Father's love speak to us in the midst of this astonishing beauty that only our Savior can reveal-- the truth that the Son has longed for us to know from before the foundation of the world.

This place to which the Word of the Father leads us is an up hill climb. He knows, because He has gone before us, that His Father's love is made known at a height that challenges us out of sluggishness. Yet, just as He is drawn to the Father, He draws us upward, against the grain of our lives. Sometimes this pathway of faith leaves us with many unanswered questions - questions about death and beyond death, about a difficult hope, far beyond our power to imagine and understand. Such is the greatness of the Father's love - His merciful love draws us up into a greatness that is unfamiliar to us, so different than our own expectations, so far beyond our own sinful limits.

To be led into these heights of eternal life, to this sacred place of truth, one must renounce the easy way, and climb with acts of faith through the difficult ambiguities of life - stretching above what is merely convenient and comfortable, beyond what we feel entitled to, and beyond even what the world judges to be respectable. This is because the great love to which we are called can never be confined by what is merely comfortable or convenient.

Witnesses like Billy Graham remind us that real love goes beyond social conventions and the fears of the culturally powerful. To ache with such love for God, and for those He has entrusted to us, is to share in the love of the Son for the Father, of the Savior for the world, of the Trinity for holy humanity. Such love gives hope. It heals marriages and makes families whole. It mends broken hearts and welcomes the lost home. It brings back to life. It stands firm in the face of death because it knows that death is not the end. This is the pathway of faith - a path that goes against our sluggishness, that ascends with the Word ablaze into the Father's shadow, that is vulnerable to the command of Love, that sets out to the Cross - that place of love poured out to the end - with unfathomable hope.

PS - for those interested, I am giving conferences for a retreat on the spiritual doctrine of Saint Elizabeth of the Trinity in Nebraska this Spring.  For more information, click here.

February 19, 2018

Making Space for God

In these holy days of Lent, we are invited to make space for God in our lives and in our hearts. We do this by prayer, fasting and almsgiving. To give alms empties our hands of things that distract us. To fast empties our bellies of food that dulls the mind.  To pray empties our hearts of agendas that can only fall short of the glory to which God calls us.  With hands empty and ready, a mind hungry for His Word and athirst with His love, and a heart humbled and freed to welcome His presence, we give the Lord all the space that He needs to heal us, to strengthen us, and to draw us deep into the bosom of the Trinity.

February 10, 2018

Haiti and the Love of God

One of the greatest graces for my spiritual life came in the form of an invitation from the Missionaries of Charity to my wife and me to be guests at their home in Haiti. This home is a compound in the midst of a very poor and dangerous slum in Port-au-Prince. Mother Teresa's sisters are fearless in entering into areas that no one else wants to go and entering into solidarity with those most abandoned. This is because of their love for Jesus who they encounter and serve in the poorest of the poor. They believe that He thirsts for our love, and that He thirsts that His love be known to others. So they go where His love is most needed and, among those who face the most crushing circumstances, they find and make known the love of Jesus anew through silent acts of love.  In this way, by their silent witness, they draw souls to Him - both the souls of those who suffer and also the souls of those who, with them, are moved to relieve this suffering. To accompany them in this vocation is to have the joy of the Gospel re-ignite in one's heart. 

My wife had the honor of serving in their home for children.  Parents unable to provide enough food or care for their sick children, entrust them to the Missionaries of Charity until they are healthy enough to come home. Through the assistance of Haitians from the surrounding neighborhoods, Mother Teresa's sisters provide both the medical care and the loving hands that these children need to recover from malnutrition and a whole string of various serious diseases. One of my favorite memories with Agnes was holding little children who would not let us put them down. 

We also met some extraordinary people who help the Missionaries of Charity and work alongside them. Among those we met were a couple of priests - one from the US and the other from Canada.  They both were adamant that the Gospel of Christ must be enfleshed - shown in action, action that relieved the misery and restored the dignity of those whom they served in very practical ways.  Moreover, for them, the answer to material poverty was not simply providing material things.  Instead, in order to witness to the Gospel of Christ, they learned that more than anything else, those they served needed to feel respected and loved.  They needed some good guidance on both practical and spiritual matters. They needed, even more, confidence in the gifts that God has given them.

Father Dupuis self-identifies as the “Solar Priest.” The Missionaries of Charity, with whom he works, do not disagree with the handle. In the last few years, he acquired (by trial and error) a knack for installing solar panels, not only in his home diocese, but also in some of the poorest areas throughout Haiti.  He is a tireless advocate for providing this sustainable energy system because it provides electricity where it is not available or dramatically brings down the cost of electricity for those who most need it. It also provides job training for laborers eager to make a living.

Originally from Montreal, he was a student in Rome when he was invited to serve Jamaica.  He has spent his priesthood building communities of hope not only there, but also in neighboring Haiti. A believer in an incarnate Gospel, he is convinced that the love of Christ will compel generosity and mutual concern for one another in his parish family.

At one of his parishes, he worked out an elaborate food service where parishioners buy one another’s products, and strategize together on how to develop new markets for their goods. He initiates new efforts like these by creating incentives and providing a little direction on regulations and professionalism. Once the entrepreneurial spirit takes over, however, he steps aside.   

Mother Teresa’s sisters, and other communities, rely on his priestly ministry whenever he comes to visit. They also rely on his willingness to take on all kinds of maintenance and engineering projects, including his self-taught expertise with installing and maintaining solar panels. When asked about how he acquired this skill, he smiles and explains with the wry wit only a French accent can provide, “Trial and error: lots of error and also, watching how-to videos on YouTube.” 

When we met at a home for children, he had just returned from Port-de-Paix, where he provided much needed repairs to one of his solar systems that he installed five years ago for the Missionaries of Charity. He and his team discovered a wiring problem (the saline air from the sea had pulverized the electrical wires coming out of the solar panels) and worked to fix and improve the whole system. In fact, between when he had first installed that one and now, he explained, he had learned a lot. His Haitian team double-checks each other’s work, including his. If someone complains, team members explain that it is not enough to get the job done fast. Their attitude is, according the the Solar Priest, “We are professionals and people are relying on us, we must do it right.” 

This attitude has been invaluable to groups who try to be a light in the darkness of Haitians, including the Missionaries of Charity and Father Tom Hagan’s Hands Together.  Indeed, physical darkness compounds spiritual misery for many Haitians. After a recent earthquake in which 220,000 souls perished, and two years of severe hurricanes, the power grid is either unreliable or else non-existent in the poorer areas. All this has added to squalid conditions with which so many have to manage on a daily basis. Father Francis knows this and is willing to learn almost anything to give those serving in these communities better light and water. 

Fr. Tom Hagan (founder of Hands Together) has helped Haitians start several schools in the slums of Port-au-Prince that provide free education for elementary, middle and high school students. A good number of kids come to the school for lunch (food) and often that is the only meal of the day for them. Father Tom is proud of these joyful and remarkable young people in the face of such adversity. He is keenly aware that the problems they face are more than the challenge of poverty. They are made for greater things -- and he wants them to discover this. He also supports other apostolates run by the Haitian people in different parts of Haiti. He sees himself not so much as doing ministry for the Haitian people as much as he does it with them. To this end, he raises the funds thru his "Hand Together": http://www.handstogether.org/

As for donations for the work of the Missionaries of Charity, checks may be made payable to Missionaries of Charity and sent to the Miami House address listed below. Please note on the check that you would like it used for the work in Haiti and/or send a note specifying that how you would like that the donation to be used. The Sisters will honor that request as much as possible. The Sisters will always acknowledge donations with a letter to the donor.

Missionaries of Charity
727 NW 17 ST.
Miami, FL 33136

February 8, 2018

An Encounter in Burgos

Every seven years, the Church in Spain celebrates a Teresian Holy Year, and the Avila Institute of Spiritual Formation organized a journey to participate with about forty pilgrims last November. In nine days, over Thanksgiving week, we visited many of the convents that Mother Teresa founded. On one of the days of our pilgrimage we set out for Burgos. 

On the way, we stopped for Mass in the monastery in Palencia - and the sisters graciously provided us with cookies and coffee for breakfast afterward. Their joy was so contagious - we in the small parlor and they behind the grill, physically jumping up and down with glee at seeing us. Though most of us spoke little Spanish and they little English, there was a bond that we shared together… we, like them, though only laity managing our way in the world, had been touched by the spiritual doctrine of their Foundress — her teachings on prayer and on faithfulness.  With this foretaste of heaven, we climbed back on the bus and road a couple more hours to Burgos, to visit, among other sacred places, its beautiful Cathedral.  

After our arrival, we had a few minutes for a bathroom break and I was a little distracted by a hot chocolate shop nearby. I had been at this very spot once with another group of pilgrims - a memory of fun and laughter that I wanted to re-live. But like most beautiful moments of grace… they never come the same way twice.  Indeed, as I approach the shop to get my hot cocoa, an upset pilgrim approached me for help.  

With a sense of urgency in her voice, she explained that there was a man dead in the public bathroom. No one knew what to do. I am embarrassed to admit that I was annoyed at first — this was not according to plan. All I wanted was to indulge an old memory. This was the opposite of that. 

Reluctantly, I let the pilgrim lead me to a steal public restroom with automatic doors and locks. Lying on the floor was a young man. I asked another pilgrim to fetch our doctor and asked the lady at the chocolate shop to call an ambulance. Then while I waited, I heard the voice of my own conscience - it was not enough to ask others, I needed to do something myself. But I did not want to… I was afraid of what I might find. Prodded by an insistent pilgrim, I finally succumbed to that still small voice in my heart.  What I experienced was a powerful grace that has stayed with me ever since. As I prayed over the few minutes of my visit, the words of a poem emerged and it is these that I would like to share with you now:

On Him, the Door I Shut
(A Pilgrim on the Streets of Burgos)

A break for toilette, for chocolate, for “Time was tight”
In Cathedral’s shadow, I fell upon that victim’s plight
There, my selfishness recoiled before Mercy’s might.

On the ground, a naked stranger lays fetal
skin white, floor plastic and cold metal
blood bright, feces dark, under heroine lethal

Pilgrims, helpful, call aghast
Shopkeeper annoyed, excited, on phone harassed
Onlookers, indifferent, quickly passed

That sepulcher, there both shame and glory meet -
Heart lost in revulsion, righteous excuse, readied retreat
At that restroom door, prayer and pilgrims but stayed my feet

Like a corpse it lay, a youth, the image of my son
In stench fluid’s filth, needle, darkness, spoon 
No pulse, but warm, with opened wound

To our Lord, heartfelt but pathetic prayer
Then he twitched, stirred, and pulsed bare-
Ly, boom, boom, boom, as I exit to siren’s blare

Steal on steal and electric lock
Anxious tolls of ancient clock
In Burgos as in L.A., my thoughts just empty talk

On Him, the door I shut,
whose silent glories cut
short, my cold indifference.

For me, the distress of an unknown stranger became a moment of grace. In a single moment, I saw this young person as my son and at the same time as my Lord. In that encounter, I was put face to face with my mediocrity and the moral standard of the Gospel of Christ. For a moment, I glimpsed the mystery of the Father’s love of His Son in the Holy Sepulcher, and God’s desire to raise each of us up out of the filth of our lives. I tasted, for an instant, a love that is stronger than death and the mercy that circumscribes our misery. Such moments ought to live in the heart of apostolic activity, and they ought to feed our prayer. Otherwise, we remain but prisoners of the projects of our self-indulgent piety — save for the fact that the Lord never fails to come to us, even though in disguise.